I believe this came to me via my daughter-in-law.
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs' I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.'
I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.'
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. 'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad.'
'Exactly' I replied back with a big smile on my face.
That's rather letting the male side down Dennis, you should leave those to the women
A blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don''t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I''m sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don''t have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."
KenFor Low Cost Prints and Affordable Originals, Click the LogoClick to see Great Art
Sorry Ken! Perhaps this is more to your liking.
A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde drivereases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of thecar and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing theirnude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up. It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling,"What's going on here?" "My car broke down, officer" says the woman calmly. "Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doinghere by the road?" he asks. "Helllooooooo!!!!" says the blonde. "Those are my emergency flashers!"
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Summer Classes for Men in THE LEARNING CENTRE REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Friday, August 15th 2008 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 4 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?-- Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Basket and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5 Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
Class 6 Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7 Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8 Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturdays noon, 2 hours.
Class 11 Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14 The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Two sisters, Pam and Sharon, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.Upon leaving, Sharon tells Pam, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." Sharon arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send Pam a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister, Pam, telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup so we can pull it home.
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, but then adds "it will cost 99 cents a word."Well, after paying for the bull, Sharon realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'"The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable'?"The brunette explains, "My sister, Pam, is a blonde. The word is big. She'll read it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.'"
Please take a look at my items
Here's a Blonde Joke from me!!...lol
A Blonde goes into PC WORLD Looking for curtains for her PC !?
The assistant says.."You don't need curtains for a computer!?"
The Blonde says>>>> HELLOOOOOOOO!
"i have got windows !!!!"
Steve
Dunno if this is allowed..
But...
http://www.flowgo.com/funny/649_marriage-fairy-haha.html?page_id=105189
OBITUARY OF THE LATE MR COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: *Knowing when to come in out of the rain *Why the early bird gets the worm *Life isn't always fair *Maybe it was my fault
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies: Don't spend more than you can earn and reliable strategies: Adults, not children, are in charge.His health began to deteriorate when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even fu